Changes

This gorgeous waterfall picture was taken almost four years ago on the first weekend trip I ever took with my now-husband. At the time, I remember feeling a lot of peace and serenity, overjoyed by all the beauty in these gardens. Today, I am trying to reflect back on that time and remember some of the amazing natural things I’ve seen in a hope for better days.

I’ve not been posting much or active on social media at all within the past month or so. I’ve had some really positive changes–I started a new job that brings me a lot closer to the career goals I have in mind and allows me to use the strategies and skills I learned in my graduate classes. It’s been a pretty good transition and I enjoy the atmosphere, the people I work with, and the tasks.

However, I’ve been having a pretty rough time because of some other things. For the past couple weeks, I have felt pretty ill physically nearly every day. I have had headaches, earaches, jaw aches, ringing ears, throat discomfort–that all sounds like a cold or flu, right? But I’ve also had anxiety, pressure in my chest, and an odd physical feeling that seems to course through my body for hours and sometimes days. I know that it’s not normal, and it’s been keeping me from living my normal life. I don’t have much of an appetite and I haven’t been getting much sleep. It’s a little harder to work out and I haven’t felt as interested in most of my normal hobbies.

I am not sure what brought this on. It seems like the change happened almost overnight. I went to the doctor and explained everything that was happening. I’d recently been to the ER (in one of my previous posts) and pretty much all of my tests came back normal. My doctor was thinking that I have anxiety, but I just have a feeling that there may be something underlying or something else that is causing me to feel so physically off. There are certainly illnesses that present as anxiety. I requested additional bloodwork, so I will be waiting to hear back on that.

As for now, I’ve been doing yoga, using essential oils (particularly lavender, peppermint, and eucalyptus) in my diffuser, trying to make myself eat (lots of fruits, vegetables, and some lean proteins–I haven’t had any added sugars, alcohol, or fast food), and taking supplements like Vitamin C, cod liver oil, B12, zinc, and probiotics. I have been taking a lot of walks, trying to rest, and trying to work out, although my workouts haven’t been as intense as they usually are. Not much has seemed to help me feel better, and it’s definitely discouraging.

I have always been resilient, and I am determined to try and work through whatever this is. While I have a feeling that there may be something internal going on, I am trying not to speculate until I have more answers, or until I get another doctor’s opinion (if need be). If I can get to the root of the problem, I will learn ways to manage or treat it. I am just hoping to get to a place where I feel normal again.

This comes in time for Mental Health Awareness Day, which just passed. In my research, I’ve discovered that there are millions of people living with invisible illnesses, and I’m sure it can be incredibly difficult to endure. My thoughts and commendations go out to everyone who has to deal with any type of pain or chronic illness. I am going to try and continue staying active in the things I like, especially writing and maintaining this blog, and I am hopeful for some answers and a positive outcome.

Being transparent can be a part of having a blog or public social media account. I write this knowing that many other people have been in my place before. I wish wellness to everyone.

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